Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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