Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Randomize
