well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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