Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
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In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
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His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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