Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
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it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
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I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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