I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
