Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich