There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
