it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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