It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
