How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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