We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
