At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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