your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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