i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
