trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
