I wish I only lived at night.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
