PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
