Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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