3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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