We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I need water and some morals
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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