Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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