he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
