you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
