Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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