i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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