what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
