apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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