Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
