just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
