mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
barbara walters just said penis...
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
