what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
there was a trapeze. enough said
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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