in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
BRING THE BAGELS
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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