My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
