Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
