and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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