Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
