when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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