At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
