i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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