am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
