I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
