Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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