just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
