Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
