THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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