Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He better not be in your backpack
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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