Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
