But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
