you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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