I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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