the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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