Pants 0. Shit 1.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize
