ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
