If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
