Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
