do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
