I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
