i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Randomize
