I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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