Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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