I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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