Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
