as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
