apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
