Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
