i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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