The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
