I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I intend to get homeless drunk
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
and you fell through a lawn chair
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
