tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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