i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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